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Friday, October 23rd, 2009
7:20 pm
worst part of living in ohio: no one else ( i know ) lives here

best part of living in ohio: no one else lives here...welcome to my drama free existence!

it takes a bit of effort to fake out your friends/family and make them think you live a normal life, eating dinner every day, doing the laundry more than once a fortnight, etc etc.

sometimes it would be nice to have people around, to have someone to bake cookies with or run out to the store. but it's also nice to be able to do whatever you want, whenever and never worry about running into anyone you know (death knell for us socially anxious types)

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Sunday, June 29th, 2008
6:27 pm
i have been watching hsn all day. it looks nice outside, and i got dressed about 7 hours ago but i still have not left the house.

i always hated sundays, because sundays mean you have to work tomorrw. and something about work is terrible now. they have finished laying people off, so that's good, but there is still a feeling that something is wrong, terribly wrong, and people are all cautious and looking over their shoulders. it's hard to settle back into your job when you are waiting for the other shoe to drop constantly.

at first it seemed like just a temporary thing, but since i started here, about every 3-4 months something dramatic happens to change how everything is done. or they significantly replace a portion of the workforce, so everyone is new and not sure what they are doing, and don't realize the signifcance of even their tiniest mistakes.

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Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008
11:56 pm
i guess the main thing is, i grew up in the country. hate hate hate it. i have always, always wanted to live in town. i want a sidewalk to go past my house. i want to be able to walk somewhere after the blizzard when i need laundry soap. i want to be able to run after the ice cream truck and beat all the little kids there.

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Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
9:39 pm
you know when someone is completing a detailed, drawn out task and you interrupt them to demand they drop everything and give you a detailed report on the task, that takes just as much time as completing the project would take, it's just a little bit annoying. and ineffective. and it sure doesn't make them feel like getting it done any sooner.

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Tuesday, April 24th, 2007
8:17 pm
i don't understand the continuing friction at work. i've always been more laid back than most, and there are people i hate working with, but i'm sure they have no idea. i keep it to myself. honestly, just pretending you like someone and smiling and helping them because it's good for the compnay, for morale, for everyone's paycheck. why go out of your way to be mean and rude, it doesn't serve any purpose?

i realize people are stressed out but still, it doesn't make it any better to complain at work, and call people names and have some shtick where you act like a rude asshole to get attention because you like to shock people with how you are rude and better than all this...there are many other things you could be doing.

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8:12 pm
i'm starting to think that maybe the reason the training at work is so bad, is that the one person who has all the information (or most of it) feel that they are more valuable employees when they keep it to themselves.

it makes them more valuable, because they are always the one who can solve the problems, who are in control of the information, who have the answers. they are always the ones that you have to ask if you need to know something.

this means that there are many frustrations, because if this person is not in the office or is fired one day, so much information and processes will be lost (what I mean is things like knowing how to manipulate our antiquated ordering system to fix things, or change accounts. this info is not written down anywhere, the passwords and menu options, it's just up to a few people to figure them out)

however, because there is no set way to do things, occasionally we break deadlines that we didn't know about and so much money is lost that way. so much. like thousands of dollars just washed away, gone. because we didn't know there was a deadline or a process or that something could be fixed.

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Wednesday, March 28th, 2007
1:33 am - build a little birdhouse
so lately i have been painting little birdhouses as future christmas decorations. it's a bit early but just something that needs doing, so when i finally get my first christmas tree this year there will be something to go on it.

in other news, i think the problem with work is that certain in charge people like to leave a little mystery to everything they do. so there is rarely a full, complete explanation, more like information parcelled out on a need to know basis. this worked well for a while, as in not being overwhelmed with information when you are brand new, but it honestly takes months to sketch in all the details of everything we do.

i guess i just expected someone to take us aside as some point and really explain which never happened. now, the ah! epiphany moment when it sinks in is very satisfying, especially since i have to get there by myself, but it's not exactly conducive to getting things processed correctly and on time.

it's dangerous, because i am starting to get the sense that it's just not all that important, or someone would have stressed it at some point in time. it's probably just that everything is so obvious to the people who've been there the longest, that they don't know what they need to explain, or they don't realize that very little of what they say makes sense. but it's tempting to believe it's just because nothing is really that earth shattering if it goes wrong.

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1:18 am
the training at work sucks. as it turns out there are deadlines no one tells you about. they just tick by, hundreds of dollars tick by too. today i get an email "that's not in the 60 day window". um, what? what window? how did i know? now i have to go to sales and get tell them we could have had X dollars, but no, now we are losing this amount instead. good job guys!!

it's not like i could ask to find out about something i didn't know about, right?

you would think we would have numerous meetings about the same thing, i wouldn't have to ask, someone would have already mentioned it if it was important? i guess what gets me is the worrying about not knowing something that you couldn't possibly have known and someone should've or could've mentioned on many occasions, but didn't, and now there are thousands of dollars and people's paychecks are all depending on you to know something that you couldn't possibly know. the sheer incompetency of it all is amazing.

i wonder how much lost money there will be before this is realized???

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Saturday, March 17th, 2007
1:01 am - from not martha - snow globes

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Saturday, March 10th, 2007
1:40 pm
I think the nice thing about a house, and a small town would be that - when you are home, it would feel like you were home. it would be a destination, somewhere to go to. not just a place you are sleeping in between times that you are at your job. whereas an apartment on some highway not in a neighborhood or feels like a stopping place, but not a place you really live. see what i mean? so somewhere that feels tucked away from the world, where you are looking inward toward the town center, not both ways down a busy street.

that's why a small town would be good, a little downtown where you could walk around and look and shop and browse, a bookstore where you could visit for a few hours and it would really feel like you were away from everything else. a little part of personality that would seem different than the rest of your life.

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1:38 pm
yes, there is a certain freedom in doing whatever you want, whenever you want to do it/but maybe less than you'd think, because it can make the rest of your life seem like so many chores when you'd rather be living free. this is why i think maybe some routine is good, something you can count on and look forward to every week.

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Saturday, October 7th, 2006
11:26 am
so today i am making snickerdoodles, but instead of just cinnamon i had the brilliant idea of adding some garam masala...not i have extra awesome exotic spicy snickerdoodles :o)

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1:45 am
so yeah....i feel like i am being overly mean to people at work...but really it's more like assertive than least, i hope so.

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1:19 am
so i saw a job posting online for my exact job at my company, posted 10/5/06. i wonder if someone is getting fired or quitting or if they are just hiring new people. it's funny because i always feel about 2 seconds away from being fired but they tell me i am doing a good job.

still i am starting to see i don't belong there. not that i can't deal with the stress. i hate talking on the phone, and sales people will always want to resolve things through talking, not email. i really really dislike sales people.

the problem is that sales people are all liars (ok a generalization - maybe they are just selectively forgetful - about as nice as i can be right now) so when you talk on the phone, later they will come back and deny what was said. even when you email them, they will deny it (do they not read the email we send?? or just think we don't know how to file sent emails?)

i am also having so much trouble being professional at work. prior to last week it was fine, i just put up with everything but i don't want to anymore. i do a little too much complaining now and i can't stop myself from being bitchy. i know it's unprofessional, but again, i don't ever see myself as corporate material or having a future at this company, so it doesn't much matter, does it?

i really wish i still talking to JJ, she left at about the 7-9 month mark, which is where i am now and i can see why.

there is another girl at work who does a really good job, much better than me and i can see why - she is alot like our boss, very professional and sociable, and not a creepy shy person like me who is afraid to pick up the phone and can't remember anything.

anyway, a group of us went to dinner with one of our sales reps this week, and he really put things into perspective - if you aren't getting things done for your customer, you need to escalate. go to a manager, and keep climbing until someone starts paying the past i have been letting things go too long, trying to be nice. but sales people don't deserve niceness, don't care about courtesy. they deserve to be kicked in the face and they care when you point out their flaws to management.

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Sunday, September 10th, 2006
7:53 pm
today we went to the zoo for a few hours. like most of cleveland, a little sad, there is more walking and less to see than most zoo's. still, i got the pet the 'amazing rays and sharks.' at first, kind of scary sticking your arm into a tank pool of rays, considering this animal was steve irwin's downfall. but ultimately it was neat, tiny sharks and rays are pretty amazing. seeing these animals up close really makes you think how lucky he was in his life.

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Friday, August 25th, 2006
8:00 pm
work is good. we were getting caught up, but now i am slowly getting buried again. maybe i am super slow or something, but there really just aren't enough hours in the day. or maybe it's just me.

it bothers me that my cube-neighbor does maybe 6 hours/work a day or less. and he thinks he is getting paid 'the right amount' for what he does....i don't know how people get the feeling they deserve to make $X/hour. I never thought I was worth more that $8-10/hour even though I make more than that now. But some people just feel entitled...graduating with a certain degree, they need to make $30/hour or more...where do these figures come from? I feel damn lucky to be making as much as I do, and if I made half that I would still be happy at my job.

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Monday, February 20th, 2006
12:36 am

things work out sometimes, very well. and it's mostly a matter of being in the right time and right place, meeting one person who can make a difference. even if they are just looking out for themselves.

that's what it feels like. just being lucky. but it's not really luck, more like fate, or destiny or divine intervention. it happens way too often to be statistically just chance.

not really sure what to do with myself now that i'm not spending so much time being despondent over my future.

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Monday, February 6th, 2006
7:01 pm
made black and gold cream cheese cupcakes for the superbowl. black/gold salsa (the only black was the pepper), black and gold bean dip and pgher sandwiches. yum yum

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Monday, December 19th, 2005
1:31 am
at the end of the day, all the snow is grey and ugly from traffic smoke. but it snows every day, at least a bit, to cover it up. so you can always wake up to nice new whiteness, a new start.

i like scraping the ice off my car, and having to remember to drive slow on the packed snow. because it reminds me that i have a car to scrape ice off of.

j is really right - ohio, especially cleveland, has this state of comfortable decay. things fall down, buildings slowly sink into the ground, neighborhoods abandoned. but it's okay. if you can afford a new car, and are holding the old one together with duct tape, if you're an out of work chemical engineer working at mcdonalds, that's fine. you're just doing the best you can with what you have. so this makes me really happy whenever i hear of someone, some band, some politician that succeeded from ohio. even though i'm not a big fan of this state - i don't like living here all that much - but i think that's what i'll miss when i'm gone. it's kind of a comfortable sameness middle america that you don't see too many other places. a place where it's ok not to be ambitious, because what is there to do?

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Sunday, November 20th, 2005
1:31 am
this week, when i am out of the house and driving around, i feel so invincible. maybe it's the snow, but it's like my car is some superamplification, i feel like i could do anything. as soon as i come home and get on the internet, it just goes away though.

i have to wait until i get paid tomorrow to apply for any new jobs, because i don't remember what our actual address is at work, seeing as i've never been there.

today at work i was so chatty. it was really weird. i have no idea where it came from, it's like i just don't care anymore. no, it's more like i can do no wrong. i don't think i said anything i regret today, which is what usually happens when i have a conversation longer than 2 minutes with any one person (not already a good friend). so that's a real accomplishment. i just hope my coworker doens't take it the wrong way, that i am trying to be friends with her and ask me to do something.

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Monday, October 17th, 2005
8:21 pm

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Sunday, October 16th, 2005
12:44 am

this is pretty cool as it has listings for the other states as well

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Sunday, October 9th, 2005
2:13 am
we won the game, 17-10 i think
we are 6-0 and undefeated. but
it made me want to cry
i like to see them win, but i always felt defeated at psu.
for everything penn state has meant to me, for everything that happened there. for everything it was not. for everything i didnt do, didnt feel, didnt get, didnt have. for everything i couldnt make myself do, that i should have. for everything i should have given up, but didn't. for every time i continued, fought on, when i should have moved on.

for all the unhappiness. i dont know how to deal with it anymore

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Friday, September 30th, 2005
2:45 pm - fridayfiver

1. What is the most important thing you've ever lost? my wallet

2. When is the last time you lost your keys? last week

3. Have you ever felt like you've lost your mind? yes

4. Are you likely to ask for directions when lost or to continue to wander? wander, i can usually figure it out (in this city anyway)

5. Numerology: reliable or just a load of bunk? i do like numbers, but maybe not that much


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2:42 pm - thefridayfive

1. What kind of computer do you have? Dell
2. How old is it? Are you happy with it? it works fine. it's about 5 years old?
3. How many computers are in your household? 4
4. What are your favorite games/timewasters on your computer? the sims, oregon trail
5. If money were no object, what kind of computer would you like to have? a sleek glittery pink laptop (so i could take it with me all over the apt) that was super fast, with all the latest renditions of the sims and expansion packs on it.

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Thursday, September 29th, 2005
12:07 am
My LiveJournal Sitcom
semi_sweet! (ABC, 6:30): semi_sweet (Bridget Fonda) tries on dancing_crazy (Minnie Pearl)'s pants without permission. That night, cakewhore (Jackie Chan) overhears ungroanup (Jamie Lee Curtis) talking about banana slugs. In the next town over, artistchick (Jeremy Irons) takes iharthdarth (Holly Hunter)'s daughter on a date and ends up necking. Afterwards, lixabiz (Max von Sydow) misinterprets an email from wandamae (Rowan Atkinson) and tries to get into a preschool for free. Upstairs, evilqueenl (Claire Forlani) and machtyro (Halle Berry) don't believe in chess. TV-G.
What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern)

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Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
11:51 pm
My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
semi_sweet goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as good witch.
artistchick gives you 12 light blue spearmint-flavoured pieces of taffy.
dancing_crazy gives you 5 pink watermelon-flavoured pieces of taffy.
deathbycupcakes tricks you! You lose 5 pieces of candy!
evilqueenl gives you 13 green evil-flavoured jawbreakers.
machtyro gives you 9 dark blue peach-flavoured gumdrops.
shotsinthedark gives you 2 tan apple-flavoured gummy bats.
teh_indy gives you 17 light orange mint-flavoured gummy worms.
ungroanup gives you 6 red cola-flavoured gumdrops.
wandamae gives you 15 light orange grape-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
wizzart gives you 17 yellow coconut-flavoured gummy bats.
semi_sweet ends up with 91 pieces of candy.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

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9:41 pm
the paul erdos book makes me sad. he was such a sweet guy, really cared about math and wanted people to get along to further this field. maybe the book just paints him in a very flattering light. but it feels like such a loss that he is no longer here, no longer encouraging math students and mathematicians, helping them get on their feet, giving them problems to challenge and push them along. almost like a grandfatherly mentor. a math cheerleader.

where's my math cheerleader? i wonder what would have happened. how did i not know there were jobs out there doing pure math? that you could work for the phone company or the government and do math probelms, like number theory, graph theory, combinatorics. i just assumed all those jobs that math majors got had to do with engineering, that you needed to know physics, chemistry, mechanics, that it would applied. i had no idea you could do math, pure, theoretical math and not be at a university.

seriously, i don't know how i didn't know this before. i wonder. there is a whole subset of jobs out there now that i know about, that I WOULD HAVE LOVED, but i can't have them anymore, the time is passed.

still, i am spending 2 yrs to get good at accounting, why couldn't i do the same for math?

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Friday, September 23rd, 2005
1:25 am - the friday five
Do you have a dream you will always strive to achieve until your dying day? No
Do you believe in fate or free will, or something else? You can make your own decisions, but some things are just meant to happen.
Marilyn Monroe. Conspiracy or tragic accident? accident. actually i don't know how she died.
Favourite childhood sweets/candy? snocaps
Favourite cocktail (alcoholic or virgin) and it's ingredients? chocolate martini (godiva liqueur, a glass rimmed with cocoa)

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Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
9:19 am
Kermit the frog is 50 years old!


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Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
11:07 pm

LiveJournal Connect!
Enter your username in the left box, someone else's username (or a * for a random one) in the right box, and press the button!
Quiet Mutual 2 chains No 1-hop
Users to ignore:
Coded by sachmet

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Saturday, September 10th, 2005
10:51 pm

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10:49 pm
about a member of the Texas U longhorn's football team: being an accounting major means he'll get a job for sure when he graduates

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Thursday, September 8th, 2005
11:06 am - Cleveland ready with aid that isn't wanted -- for now

evacuees not coming hereCollapse )

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10:48 am
today on the radio, they said that they had offered 400 people from new orleans a place to stay in cleveland, with apts and such, but that they refused. they wanted to stay close to their homes and their other relatives. i wonder how many people took them up on the offer. it's not like cleveland isn't poor itself, but we are doing better (now #12 on the list of poorest cities, down from #1)

it would be a shock, i think, coming from new orleans here. it's fine now, quite a bit cooler, but winter is coming soon. you can almost feel it, hanging in the air. enjoy the fall, because this nice weather and coolness and going outside not considering what you are wearing - so soon it will be snow and ice and even more fun driving.

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Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
12:20 am - the 3-variable humor test

My place in humor 3-space.Collapse )

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12:09 am

Other pledges through Tuesday include four ships from Canada with 1,000 soldiers to aid evacuations; 45 tons of military meals from Germany"s air force; $1 million from Bangladesh; $100,000 from Afghanistan; and even $25,000 from Sri Lanka, which said through a spokesman that it Is trying to reciprocate for American assistance after last December"s tsunami.Collapse )

current mood: touched

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Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
11:23 pm

help arrives from mexicoCollapse )

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11:18 pm - kids - found during hurricane, alive, alone

6-year old boy in charge of 6 other kids during the hurricaneCollapse )

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6:46 pm - more hurricane news

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5:21 pm - from post secret
hehehe no, it"s not mine. really.Collapse )

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Monday, September 5th, 2005
12:03 pm
You can volunteer to help from your computer.

Gacked from sprat: A group is working to organize a master database of all the Katrina "missing" and "safe/found" information scattered around the web.

What they need are volunteers to do data entry of information off of message boards. 25-item sets at a time.

Go here for details on exactly how the project works. Then go here to claim a set and get to work. Please pass this link on.

Note: You can claim a set (or more) now but you need to wait until tomorrow morning to do the data entry. Apparently, so many people tried to help out, the server for the database melted. (When I read that, I almost burst into happy tears. People want to help so much. It's just. A Good Thing.) The data is safe but there won't be a new server until tomorrow morning [that would be Tuesday, Sept. 5]. Send an email to if you want them to let you know when you can return to work on your list.

This, at least, is something I can do.

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Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
3:08 am
coldplay - the scientist. jim was right, that is one of the best i have seen for a while.

i'm glad - and i hope - that i don't have to work tomorrow. i need to do homework - but more than that, it's hard to concentrate thinking of all those people, trapped. finally they are being rescued. but how many died because? it's hard to see how other people can go about their daily lives. commercials for buying cars and furniture and going to the movies. and about boyfriends, and going out to bars, and being happy that it's labor day, and planning what to make traditionally. a three day weekend doesn't mean much when there is no food to eat.

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Friday, September 2nd, 2005
11:31 am

the friday fiveCollapse )

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Thursday, September 1st, 2005
3:20 pm

A police officer working in downtown New Orleans said police were siphoning gas from abandoned vehicles in an effort to keep their squad cars running, CNN"s Lawrence reported.Collapse )

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Monday, August 29th, 2005
10:45 am
You are .html You are versatile and improving, but you do have your limits.  When you work with amateurs it can get quite ugly.
Which File Extension are You?

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Saturday, August 27th, 2005
12:45 am
i"m an outcast geniusCollapse )

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Tuesday, July 26th, 2005
5:12 pm
it's hailing now, tiny little balls, making a really weird sound as it hit the metal railing on the balcony. it's good, it's supposed to be 74 tomorrow instead of the 98 that it was today. looks like i got home just in time though.

i discovered today, if you are tired of cleaning your old apt, a really fast solution is to buy some paint. i wiped off all the loose dust, but some marks and scuffs wouldn't budge, and of course, where i had ducktape on the windows. but you can buy a mini can of paint at home depot for $4, and after i painted off the scuffs it looks shiny and white and very clean! i don't feel bad because i know the landlord does the same thing, the painting there is very sloppy. still, it saved me alot of time :o)

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Monday, July 25th, 2005
11:11 am
according to the quaker oat company, oatmeal is just as good for you in any form. so if you can cook it into something as oatmeal flour, or top your ice cream with it, it's all good.

my new discovery for the week: oatmeal + cookie dough ice cream = oatmeal cookies dough ice cream. yum!

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Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
4:48 pm
Based on the lj interests lists of those who share my more unusual interests, the interests suggestion meme thinks I might be interested in
1. genetic engineering score: 5
2. sister act score: 4
3. juice newton score: 4
4. activists score: 4
5. recreational drug use score: 4
6. elastic book covers score: 4
7. cheese whiz score: 4
8. human sexuality score: 4
9. cleopatra score: 4
10. lunatic calm score: 4
11. rock candy score: 4
12. caveliers score: 4
13. conversationalists score: 4
14. crossed eyes score: 4
15. balderdash score: 4
16. virtuagirl score: 4
17. the good son score: 4
18. cultural art score: 4
19. ferris wheels score: 4
20. magnadoodle score: 4

Type your username here to find out what interests it suggests for you.
Popularity Ceiling: (Please be patient!)

changed by ouwiyaru based on code by ixwin
Find out more

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